Important Life Lessons

Mr. Local Youth Football Program Director:

It is with sadness and regret that I must inform you that my husband and I are considering removing my son, Big Dude, from the Local Youth Football program. This is a difficult decision for us to make, as we have always stressed with our children the importance of following through on commitments, understanding what it means to be part of a “team”, and not quitting just because something becomes difficult. However, the safety and well being of our children must receive higher consideration than those other important life lessons. And unfortunately, it has become clear that our son’s safety and well-being are not, in fact, receiving the consideration they deserve from the LYF Varsity coaching staff.

This is the second year that my sons have been involved in LYF, and our previous experiences with this organization and its coaches has been positive and professional. We believe the LYF program is a high quality program throughout, up to and including the Junior Varsity level. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for our experience this year at the Varsity level. If there is one thing that every child playing youth sports should be able to count on and believe in 100%, it’s that their coach cares about each and every player on the team. No one player is more important. Every one matters. That doesn’t mean everyone gets the same amount of playing time, but it does mean that the coach is invested in every player, and cares about the well being of each child on his/her team. That is not happening on Big Dudes’s team.

The tone was set very early in the season, and it has been made abundantly clear to the young men playing on this team that certain players matter more than others. Some players are afforded special treatment due to their apparent talent level. While the majority of the team arrive on time for practices, and is warming up, certain players are permitted to consistently arrive late and stand around chatting with coaches during the warm up drills. And I believe the definition of “on time” would be suited up, padded up, cleated up, and ready to go at the start time, not arriving at the practice field with gear in hand at the start time.

This lack of respect and lack of commitment to the team is rewarded each week with a guarantee of playing time in the games. When those special players are overheard saying "They really suck" in reference to their own teammates, as if they themselves are not members of the team and associate themselves differently, it is clear that there is a distinct lack of respect for the other players, the organization, and the team in general. The young men who are fully dedicated to the team, who are ready to go at the start of practice, who encourage each other and try to help each other, and who bust their butts each and every day, from the first warm up drill all the way through to the final whistle, get the privilege of being told they aren’t good enough, fast enough, catching enough, blocking enough, etc. They get to see their positions handed off to the teammates who are held to a lesser behavioral standard than the rest of the team. In other words, effort doesn’t matter.  Only results. Character doesn’t matter. Only points on the scoreboard. I must seriously question the decision to allow my son to be a part of a team that has such misguided priorities.

I am not a complainer, Mr. Director. I have not come to you complaining even one time about anything that I might have disagreed with or found unpleasant in 2 years. I have made it a priority to teach my children that sometimes, you just have to tough it out and muscle through a situation that isn’t quite what you want it to be. Life isn’t fair, and the sooner you figure out a way to cope with these types of situations and the people who perpetrate them, the better off you will be. I have taken this position many times with my children and I believe that they are better off for it. However, I must draw the line when it comes to their personal safety. I must speak up when I see the adults I have entrusted with their care, safety, and well being show such blatant disregard for them as I personally witnessed this past weekend during the Varsity football.

It was clear by half time of Saturday's game that LYF was likely not going to win the game (I believe it was 23-0 at that point). The second half progressed very much like the first, and with about 5 minutes left in the game it was something like 40-6 (I could be wrong about the exact numbers for the score, but it was wildly one-sided). The team LYF was playing did not demonstrate any significant level of sportsmanship whatsoever. They continued to drive up the score and played their biggest, fastest, strongest, hardest hitters up to the final buzzer. At this point, certain select players were pulled from the game in order to prevent them from getting hurt, and some of the smallest, least experienced players were sent out onto the field to face this opposing team. They were the sacrificial lambs sent to the slaughter in order to protect the coach’s special few. I must say, if it wasn’t a safe environment for those special few, it damn well wasn’t a safe environment for the smaller, lesser experienced players. We are losing by 30+ points with 5 minutes left. They are getting the win. Why did it not occur to anyone to walk away at this point? Inform the refs that it is no longer safe for your players to continue, and in the best interests of your team’s health and safety, the opposing team can have the win? Why is it only important to protect the health and safety of a handful of players? Why isn’t the health of my son not equally important? Because he isn’t as talented? Because he doesn’t run as fast? Because he isn’t as good a player? Shame on you. Shame on all of you.

With 4 minutes left in the game, my son was injured. A tackle was made in front of him and the pile landed on the front of his legs, hyper-extending his right knee and causing him to fall backwards. He stood up and limped back to the huddle. He tried repeatedly to “walk it off” but was very obviously struggling. The ref was the only adult who acknowledged his injury and stopped play long enough for him to limp slowly to the sidelines and obtain a substitution. No one offered him an arm, not even when he nearly fell to his knees near the sideline. No one helped him to the bench. No one looked at him to see if his injury was serious. Not one single coach on that team indicated to my son that he was worth the time of day. Instead, he was told to go down to the team moms, and have them look at him. It just so happens that the team moms in question were 40 yards down the sidelines through a massive mud pit. Big Dude limped and hobbled that entire 40 yards by himself. Not a single responsible adult offered to help him, or asked him how he had gotten hurt or what was wrong. Not a single one. The team moms gave him some ice for his knee, but the care of injured players is not a Team Mom duty. These players are the responsibility of the coaches. And those coaches made it perfectly clear to my son that he did NOT matter to them, even when he was hurt. I guess my son should have been a better football player, because then he would have mattered enough to get their attention. Instead, an email arrived 24 hours after the fact to check on him and indicating that the coach had been informed of the injury, not that the coach had been paying attention to him enough to notice for himself. 

I watched all of this from the press box, where I was fulfilling one of my parental volunteer obligations, and had a very clear view of this entire episode as it transpired. I watched my son limp through the line after the game, limp to the end zone for the post-game chat by the coaches, and limp across the field to the stands after it was all over. In all this time, not a single coach acknowledged that he was injured, let alone asked him how he was or offered him any assistance. Instead, he got the privilege of being informed in the post-game huddle that they had given up, and that they didn’t have enough heart. I would have to say I disagree.

I would have to say that those boys who STAYED on the field in the face of such obvious risk to personal safety were the ones who showed the MOST heart. When they were sent onto the field to face that opponent, so that a select few could sit safely protected on the sideline, I must say I think they showed more heart than anyone else I know, including the adults who put them in that position. And they didn’t give up. They didn’t accept the invitation to sit out on the sidelines where it was safe. They didn’t tell their coach “Hell no!!” when they were sent out there. They bucked up and went out there and did the very best they could in the face of insurmountable odds. They didn’t take a knee just to get it over with, although I must say I think that would have been the smartest and most responsible thing to do. Instead, they kept trying over and over again to make plays, only to get battered back, repeatedly. They never stopped trying to get that ever-elusive first down. And the thanks those kids got from the coach that put them there? They were informed they gave up and didn’t have heart. Shame on you. Shame on all of you.

After a trip to the Emergency Room Saturday night after the game, we will be following up with an orthopedist this week to determine the extent of my son’s injury. If and when he receives medical clearance to return to football, we will make the decision at that time as to whether or not this will happen. This decision will depend on the actions taken by the administration to address these issues and ensure the safety and well being of EVERY player in the program. 

Sincerely,

Me