I am very well aware that my children are influenced as much by what they see and hear around them (in school, on the bus, in the neighborhood, on TV, on the radio, etc) as they are by what they see and hear from their parents. I wish it wasn't the case, but sadly, my influences must compete with a plethora of other outside (and often much less desirable) influences that bombard them on a daily basis. Fortunately for me, my kids are still at an age where we can have open and honest conversations about the things that they see and hear, where they can ask questions and receive honest, informational feedback that encourages them to look at the situation critically, and think for themselves about how they really feel.
Its hard enough just growing up, trying to wade through all the bullshit passed along as gospel truth by your friends and on TV. Add to that the struggle of young boys trying to figure out what it means to be a "man" among all the gobbledygook out there, and its no wonder these poor boys' heads don't just explode. And then there are the young girls and young women trying to figure out what they should be valuing in the young men who cross their paths. In this day and age of technology and media, where information is disseminated so rapidly, it seems that there is no shortage of "teachable moments" that come out of the news. Pieces of information we as parents (and teachers and mentors and family members) can use to help our kids navigate the mine-field that is "growing up". And then, asshats like Mike Ditka just jack that shit all up when they open their mouths and start spewing ignorant nonsense.
This whole Miami Dolphins - Jonathan Martin - Richie Incognito thing is one giant clusterfuck. And no one, and I mean NO ONE, outside of Martin and Incognito, will ever know the truth. But honestly, what does it matter anymore? Maybe Incognito is a bully, maybe he's just an insensitive prankster, maybe he's a scapegoat. Maybe Martin is a victim, maybe he is a whistleblower, maybe he is just too sensitive. The bottom line for me is that its not any of my business, anymore than any other workplace dispute between co-workers regarding a hostile work environment in any office across America is my business. This is between Martin, Incognito, and the Dolphins. It's their mess to sort out. And any opinion I decide to have on the subject of who is right and who is wrong, is NOT going to be an informed or educated one, because I am not Martin or Incognito, and I don't know what exactly went on, and for me to try and tell anyone what they should or shouldn't have done in the situation is the worst kind of ignorance. Because it perpetuates this myth that anyone at anytime can take one tiny fraction of information and become an expert. And when a shit candle like Ditka does it, it unfortunately has the potential to negatively influence far beyond normal limits.
Ditka either doesn't realize, or doesn't care, that young boys and girls, and young men and women around the nation watch the sports shows and often idolize the personas, thoughts, and opinions of the sports heroes they see on these shows. And most of the time, the opinion of an aging ex-football player has limited reach, because his opinion on the best offense or defense, or the best player, or the best team is of minimal consequence in the grand scheme of things and in the daily lives of the young boys and girls, and young men and young women listening to him. But when you start running off at the mouth with ignorant shit you know nothing about regarding circumstances you can't possibly be informed of and making blanket judgement calls about the people involved, I'm sorry. You have just crossed the line into jack-hole ass-baggery-ness.
Ditka stated that Martin is a baby for claiming he was bullied and that instead of doing what he did (walking away from a situation that was problematic), he should have taken Incognito to "fist city" and tried to beat him up for it. He implies that a real man would have solved the problem with a fist fight. Huh?!?!? What the fuck?!? There was a time when I didn't mind that my 2 boys were huge Chicago Bears fans and idolized all things Bears, including everything to do with the 1985 team Ditka so famously coached. Now? Oh, hell to the ever lovin' spotty bum lord slappin' NO!!!!!!!!
Would you want your 8 year old son called a baby for walking away from a bullying situation? Would you want your 8 year old son to have to resort to fist fighting to defend himself from hurtful, damaging, threatening, painful bullying? Would you want your 8 year old son or your 15 year old daughter thinking that real men solve their problems with their fists first and their intelligence last? Would you want your 15 year old daughter thinking that real men resort to violence and fist fighting to get their way, and that only wimps or babies try to resolve their differences using their brains and their words? OR, would you want your 8 year old son to escape the immediate circumstance and find a family member or other adult he could trust to confide in about his situation? Would you want your 8 year old son to get help in resolving the situation without anyone getting hurt? Would you want your 8 year old son or 15 year old daughter to know that a real man has the courage to ask for help when its needed, and isn't too proud to say "I'm hurting and I'm sad and I want this to stop"? Would you want your 15 year old daughter to value the young men in their lives who are kind, gentle, loving, supportive, and non-violent problem solvers?
I get that Martin isn't an 8 year old. I get that he is supposed to be the epitome of "toughness" because not only is he a professional football player in the NFL, he's a LINEMAN at that. But personally, I'm glad that I can hold him up as an example to my kids. See?? See that big strong tough guy?? He's a person. He's human. He has feelings just like that little old lady. And he's allowed to say when things hurt him. He's allowed to say that he's had enough and that shit ain't funny anymore. He's allowed to stand up for himself. Just because you THINK he shouldn't have to, doesn't mean that he doesn't have the right to. Just because Ditka can't wrap his peanut size concussion addled brain around the idea that Martin has the right to say enough is enough, doesn't mean that he shouldn't do just that.
Because honestly, aren't we trying to teach our kids that fighting is wrong, and that we should be trying to solve our problems with words rather than violence? Aren't we trying to teach kids to stand up to bullying by talking to their parents, going to their teachers, sharing with their school counselors? Isn't that the message we are working our asses off to get through??? And the situation with Martin had been going on for OVER A YEAR. Um, I'm willing to bet that Martin tried to stop that shit multiple times in multiple ways over the course of that year and a half. But he reached his limit. And you know what? He walked the fuck away. THANK GOD he didn't decide to bring in a gun, and mow down the assholes who had been tormenting him, like some bullied kids in schools feel they have no choice but to do. Thank God he stood up and showed bullied kids around the nation that there IS another choice. There IS another option. And its better than resorting to the violence that crap stain lickers like Ditka want the world to resort to. Because crap stain lickers like Ditka think that a real man should solve any problem with his fists. And if he can't, well, then he must not be a real man.
I want my kids to know that Martin, the big ole tough NFL Lineman who could break you in half like plastic fork in a plate of BBQ chicken, is a real man, and he did exactly the right thing, regardless of what irrelevant raging idiot jackasses like Ditka think. He did exactly what I hope my kids would have the courage and strength of character and intelligence to do. Leave the situation. Get help. Make it stop. Resorting to "fist city" ultimately reduces your character to the lowly level of the ignorant schmuck who thinks he's all big and bad because he can call you names. But, don't get me wrong. If someone attacks you physically, defend yourself like no one's business. Absolutely. Go for the eyes and the groin. Rip that shit right off. Scream as loud as you can, and flail like a fucking windmill in the middle of a category 5 hurricane that just landed on a F5 tornado. But remember, that using physical violence to solve your problems, especially non-physical and non-violent problems, usually just creates more problems for you in the long run. And it just makes you look like an ass, like Ditka. So don't be a Dick-tka. Just don't.
